After three years study, the philosophy student went into his final exam.
The only question on the exam paper:
"What is courage?"
So he wrote down "This"
and left.

So, what are the brave things I've done.
Hmmm, can't think of any.

I could try something though.
I could take a trip to Thetford to watch the England Portugal game in a local pub, which is bound to be full of Portuguese labourers. Imagine what it will be like when we win.
I could tell my lovely daughter I'm not driving her to her prom tomorrow.
I could stand up in the market square in Norwich, and tell all the passers by that God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
I could wear a tie to work.

I got zero out of ten

Everyone loves a quiz
I didn't do too well on this one
try it (without googling)
it's the 'worlds simplest quiz'.

1 How long was the 100 years war
2 Where were Panama hats made
3 What is cat gut made of
4 When do Russia celebrate their October revolution
5 What is used to make a camel hair brush
6 What are the Canary Islands (Atlantic) named after
7 What was King George 6th first name
8 What colour is a purple finch
9 Where do Chinese gooseberries originate from
10 What colour is the black box in an aeroplane

it's not fair
the young ones in my house have finished
all their exams
which means they are free agents

free as in time they have
and lots of it
not free in the sense that
we'll still have to buy food
and such like
which definitely
is not free

I think I might write a list
with items such as
car shampoo
fairy liquid
and then wait in hope.....

Dear Dad

Imagine this, I got home from a hard day in the office to find a very tidy son's bedroom, which is pretty unusual, with this letter lying on the pillow:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to leave before you got home, and run away with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I have been finding real passion with R*** (omitted by blogger for reasons of confidentiality) and she is so nice - even with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it is not only the passion dad, she is pregnant and we are sure we'll be very happy together.
Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a small caravan in the woods and has stacks of firewood too last us through winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
R*** taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so she can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I am 18 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I am sure we'll be back to visit you so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, always,

P.S. Dad, none of this is true - I'm over in the neighbours house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my exam results and school report, that are both in the desk - second drawer down.

Love you - please call when it's safe for me to come home.

Cow on the track

Today, lots interesting stories.....
In the news.
Ranging from the really significant right through to the sublime, the ridiculous, the relevant and actually some that are important.
Here's what I reckon...

Government probably going to buy, build, renew more nuclear subs.
Trident. Not incompetent, but maybe struggling with priorities.
Twenty Five billion bounds!!

All stag parties are riots and should be banned.
Kkilling off lovely eastern European cities
Creating industry of unsavourary behaviour.
If I ever get invited I must remember to boycott.

Water company makes a fortune, but leaking gallons of the liquid gold.
When there's a real shortage
kind of feel angry and feeling that they are incompetent.

Talisman Owen, flying back to England because he's got a bad knee.
Kind of feel sorry for him,
although he does earn a fortune every day - so not too sorry.

No. Surely not! Top of the Pops being axed.
Who cares - definitely not me.
Glad my license money is going to spent on something I might just watch

And summer has started. Official.
News ?? Perhaps not.
Indifferent ?? Yep I am, probably.
Tough luck if you've already had your holiday. Book another!

Cow delays trains at Norwich Station.
Need more fences.
But perhaps the best story of the day.

Tonight, I like the letter P

Some people prefer my prose, others prize the poetry (parts of which aren't mine) and some people pick the photos. Perhaps primarily people prove to be too polite to pronounce and play the silence part.

Tonight I propose to print as many p's as possible and publish a piece to put over a picture of an incident in Piccadilly station in Manchester.

I popped-in to pa's and ma's house to meet his, and hence my once removed cousins. They had taken passage on a train from Piccadilly. But prior to boarding a pact was agreed to part and meet again after a period of time - for purposes of procuring produce from M&S. Well, best part of 45 years of partnership served them no good, as they propped themselves up on different parts of the platform. Procrastinating. Puff of smoke (or probably petrol fumes) and the points change and the locomotive puffed out. Minus a pair of passengers. His problem or hers?

His, of course. Always the poor person with the long pants.

OK, I've given up with the p's. If you ever read this - it was great to meet you mate - and just admit it, it was your fault, and have a quiet life.

A great moment

Not only did the Koreans equalize.

Against the French !

But also I went top of the league with this result, in the family competition.

Catch me if you can guys!

Actually, I should stress, it's South Korea. A big difference between south and north on that part of the world, rather like my country, but in a different way.

Who can know?

Who can speak of wonders yet unseen
Who can weigh the dust of every mountain
Who can see the end from the beginning
Who can walk the mysteries of the deep
Who can roll the waves upon the sea
Who can count the hairs of every creature
Who can birth ten thousand priceless sparrows
Who can carry cumbrous burdens
Who can cause the earth to tremble
Who can still a mighty storm
Who can hear the silence of the stillborn
Who can smell the fear of every death
Who can lead a man to glory
Who can touch the heart of me

Who can know the mind of our creator?
I stand in awe of you.

Score of S’s

So, are we all set and sat
Second match of the short German season will soon be starting
Shame that some, i.e. me :-( have to skip out later this pm
Still, as star war’s Yoda says, not complaining I
Shall I predict the scores
Sure, three goals to nil goals
Shocks do happen sporadically
‘Specially with our stars (team) oh no
Satisfy me England, please please will you
Give me (us all) my fix.

The old ones are best:

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. England v Brazil.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

Thank the Lord for Curry

A few things did this to me today.
Made me sad.

First - hearing about a friend's dad, who's not well.
In fact not at all well.
I'm sorry mate.
I don't rightly know how to feel:
I have a dad
and I am a dad
So on either count, guess I will one day feel like my mate, or his dad, or both of them.

Then I saw a huge hosepipe spraying a huge amount of water on a huge expanse of lush green grass. Just so people can play bowls. Sad.

Then I was sat in the office, at 30 or 84 degrees, depending on your language. That made me sweaty rather than sad. I think that might have made other people sad!

Then I had the boiler at home replaced, which on the hottest day of the year is a bit ironic. That cost me loads of money - that made me sad.

Then I had a curry. That made me very happy.

Before we get caught up

With the football.
Which has started well.
And England haven't even played
And I have a buddy
Who reckons USA are better
Than England
Like the are so not!

So just want to put on record that I've finished all 6 books that were shortlisted for the Man Booker prize 2005.
In the order that I liked them, best at the top:
A long long way - Sebastion Barry
The Accidental - Ali Smith
Never let me go - Kazua Ishiguro
The Sea - John Branville
On Beauty - Zadie Smith
Arthur and George - Julian Barnes

Having said that - I really enjoyed them all. And would recommend them all. Perhaps not The long long way if you have a weak constitution as it's about the first world war.

So culture to one side now for 40 days - and back to the football.



Picture the scene:
I travel to a lovely country hotel
Don't think I get caught speeding
Which is good
Because ~I wasn't
North Essex is the venue
Having a meeting with colleagues
16 of us.
If only it was 17 - we all love 17.
It's the impressive number apparently.

Are you picturing the scene?
Oak beams
Iced water
Flowers in immaculate gardens
Doors onto patio open to let in sunshine
and birdsong.

Interrupted by a loud roar
No, not a lion.
A different sort of roar
More of a rolls royce aeroplane engine type of roar.

We recover; start speaking again
Then another roar
Flight path problem.
We cope.

Unlike the people in the village,
The 13th century Church
The pub,
The residents
The lovely country hotel

All to be demolished
Just so that we can feed the atmosphere with more CO2
Create more noise
and have cheaper holidays overseas.

This is called progress, I believe.

4 Days to go

The sun has shone
And yes
I did see it
through the window
of a cold, cold
Air conditioning
wonderful if used properly.
a pain in the old backside.
4 more days of sun I reckon.

So, a few days to go
and then the big ko
kick off
not knock out!
I getting myself
all prepared
for a good long world cup
with the champions elect.
That's what I'll be thinking for the next 4 days

Lots of things

I took these two today.
Lots of spiders, on my window.
and lots of swans, on my river.

Lots of things today could be giving me stomach rot - but whichever it is, I don't like it much. It could have been something on the bbq last night, but I doubt it, as everyone else is fine. I almost bought a gas bbq yesterday - getting as far as the shop and choosing one, but at the last minute I decided not to. Then cooked a real one when I got home. Real smoke in my eyes. Real good.

It could be that I forgot to take something to NCBC this morning that I should have remembered. That made me feel old (forgetful), useless, and sick. It's not the first time I forgot something. But it was important. Rubbish.

It could be the book I finished last night. It was a good read. But is was all set in WW1, in Flanders. And was very graphic. And very sad. In fact the whole story was sad. Tragic. Sickening. Maybe that made my tum hurt.

Maybe I could have a bug.
Lots of possibilities, but I am definitely going to be better in the morning, and definitely not going to take a day of work!

In Common

What do all these have in common?

Queen Lizzie, the queen
Edward Elgar, the composer
John Paul II, the pope
Mark Twain, the writer
Maine, the US state

In no particular order - but I guess you can guess which is which
Said: "rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated"
Died: a death
Prohibited: alcohol
Had: a crown put on her head
Visited: his native Poland and was cheered by millions
Was: warm enough to wear a t-shirt to cycle to work for the first time

All on the 2nd June

So was or is it a good day in the whole scheme of things ?

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